Your Unbelievable!

Well. We all know by now. I DONT UPDATE THIS BLOG OFTEN.

I really have been a slacker and I am really sorry for that.

However, what it comes down to is that I haven't really had any issues. and not that having issues constitutes me updating the blog but I dont know how many more times I can say that everything is going great... ya know?

Really a lot has changed in the past couple months. This will be a good update.

Like I mentioned I really haven't had any issues. I have been feeling really great. AMAZING in fact. Since the last blog I have moved on to eatting "whatever" i want. I say whatever because i dont have to have it mashed or pureed. I can eat "whatever" within a certain guide lines. First being that I have to have my protien first. Making sure that I am getting to my magic number of grams of protien. Secondly I have to only eat about a 1/2 cup of protien and if I am still hungry I eat vegetables or fruit. Next I have to make sure that I stay away from sugary foods and also high in fat. Now that is pretty much common sense. Especially if I am eatting my protien first. I dont really have to worry much about that. NOW i do have to say there has been times where I have not focused on my protien as much as I should. BUT I would say that I do it the majority of the time.

I have really changed my whole mental state about eatting and I really think that this is the most important change I have made. I now look at food and think... this is how much you should eat... and you need to stop once you have eaten that amount... even though at times I think that I could eat more... I KNOW that i should stop. and thats it. This process is just mental. I really went into thinking it was physical... which is part of it... but definitely a small part of it. What I have had to do is re-train my thought processes and re-train everything I have ever done.

I have also added another vitamin to my pill case. I am not taking Vitamin D. Taking all these Vitamins is a lot of money but it is definitely necessary... and really it has become second nature to me. I dont think about it much.

One thing that worries me a bit is that I have times when I get really light headed. Usually these are days that I have not had enough water to drink. So I really think it just has to do with me taking a moment during my day to realize how much water I have had... and if I need to take more.

Exercise is something that I am still working on. I have just begun doing new exercises. I will walk/jog with my dog, I recently tried biking again, I also have done dance class. I think having a variaty of things to do is really important. It makes me feeling really good too. I never thought I would be able to say this... but exercising is the best form of stress relief.

I am still a tad bit worried about transfering my addiction of food to another but I really haven't seen anything that would worry me. SO THAT IS GOOD NEWS! I really have to keep that in check because I dont want to end up trading one addiction for another.

One thing that is hard to get used to is people not recognizing me. I know it just comes with the territory and really in the end it doesn't matter because in a weird way it kind of makes you feel good. BUT its a strange situation.... its like you dont know what to say. Like do you re-introduce yourself? or do you explain that you have lost all this weight?! I haven't quite figured out that part yet... but i suppose I will.

Sorry if this blog doesn't flow well.. i am just trying to get all the information down. ya know?


Well now for the measurement updates: (all of these were taken from the right side of my body)

Body part/Current Measurement/Total Down
Pinky / 2 1/4 inch / 1/4 inch
Ring / 2 1/2 inches / 1/2 inch
Middle / 2 1/2 inches / 1/2 inch
Pointer / 2 3/4 inches / 1/4 inch
Thumb / 2 3/4 inches / 1/4 inch
Wrist / 6 3/4 inches / 1 1/4 inch
Forearm / 10 inches / 2 1/2 inches
Bicep / 12 inches / 7 1/2 inches
Neck / 14 1/2 inch / 2 inches
Chin to Crown of head / 24 1/2 inches / 2 inches
Head / 23 inches / 1/2 inch
Bust / 42 inches / 8 1/2 inches
Under Bust / 38 inches / 6 inches
Waist / 33 1/2 inches / 14 1/2 inches
Hips / 40 1/2 inches / 11 1/2 inches
Thigh / 21 inches / 7 inches
Calf / 16 inches / 2 1/2 inches
Ankle / 10 inches / 1/2 inch
Foot / 9 1/2 inches / 1/2 inch
Weight / 183 pounds / 95 pounds

AMAZING. I am so happy that I have all this documented. It has been great to see the changes in measurements... but even more phone with pictures:

Before: (2/9/2008)

After: (8/23/08)

Before: (2/9/08)

After: (8/23/08)

Before: (2/9/08)

After: (8/23/08)

Me wearing clothes that fit: (8/23/08)

Just for fun: (8/23/08)

Do You Feel....

I am going to start this blog off with a picture because I think pictures speak for themselves. This one definitely reflects how i feel and how things are going:


Amazing huh? Its still a bizarre feeling. People dont like when I use that word but its the best way to describe it. Its not meant to mean anything but just that its strange to feel this good and have things happen so quickly. I couldn't be happier. I just cant understand the machinics behind this whole process. I understand what I can do and have done to change my habits I just dont get how it works. I mean. Where does all the weight go? It can't just disappear. I know i know fat when burned turns into energy. But come on... I basically have lost as much as a 10 year old weights.

Well to update everything I probably should start with I am sorry. I am sorry for not keeping up this blog but its hard to write something when nothing "new" (besides the obvious) has happened. I really have been sticking to the program that Park Nicollet has laid out for me and it has be working fabulously. Currently I am on what they call soft food. Basically I am not suppose to eat anything that is tough or chewy. My stomach still will have a hard time breaking it down. I am still on very little portions. I eat any where from 3 tablespoons to 1/4 cup of food. Most of which has to be protien. If I am still hungry after that I am suppose to eat fruits and veggies. I still am suppose to have 3 8oz glasses of milk and tons of water between meals. Other things that I have been doing is taking all my pills. I have to take 1 multi-vitamin, 3 calcuim chewables, iron and vitamin C pills daily and then I take one b-12 pill once a week. So there are a lot of drugs to take but I will do whatever I have to do because anything is better then being over weight.

The hardest parts so far have been drinking all the necessary amounts of milk. I usually forget or I am just not "hungry" enough to drink them. And I say hungry because when I drink milk I get full and its like I ate a really big meal. I never thought I would see the day when I said that drinking milk makes me full. Before surgery I always thought people were crazy when they said they were full off of something small like that. haha. Now i know exactly what they mean.

The funniest part has been seeing what I can actually eat. I have this conversation a lot with people. Lets think of what i use to eat for breakfast: An 3 egg omelette with lots of ham and cheese, 2-3 slices of french toast with butter and syrup and probably 2-3 sausage links. Now this is what i eat for breakfast: 1 1/2 morning star sausages and maybe 1/2 of an egg scrambled. I just can't believe that I get full off of so little but I also can't believe that i used to eat that much.

I have found out a couple things that have been really hard for me:

1)Peoples perceptions of gastric bypass - Its intersting to listen to people talk about how they could never have the surgery but that its okay that I did it. I know that they are saying that whats right for me isn't right for them but I know some of these people are trying to say that they feel like i took the easy way out. Let me tell you if this is the easy way out I would hate to say the hard way. I dont know what so easy about having surgery and putting your body through hell and having to just figure every thing out on your own (basically). I knew I was going to have to deal with critics but it just gets old sometimes.
2)Peoples opinion of the food i eat. -Whether its someone telling me that to try this, or that "i am sure that you can have this" or "can you eat that" it tough. I know that people are asking me to try things because they want me to feel included but I get so sick of say "i cant". but on the flip side i have the people who instead of asking me tell me that I sure i could have something. No i cant and No I wont. I didn't go through all this to just go back to the way I used to be. Its hard for people to understand that I can't "sample" food or "taste" things. They think I am crazy for not.... but the fact is... that snacking leads to more snacking and bad food and I am not falling in that trap ever again. also.... then people always have to comment on what I am actually eatting. I know that some of them are watching out for me... but really I GOT IT. i know what I can eat, I know how much of it I can eat.... so lay off. I have it. Like i just stated... i didn't go through all this to fuck it up.
3)Being stressed out - I think that this may be the toughest part of them all. When I used to get really stressed out I would depend on food. I would go to it to relieve any stress or problem I had and I need to find something to replace it. What to repalce it with... i dont know. I need to make sure its something healthy. Maybe I will get addicted to exercising (unlikely). I just dont want to pick up a bad habit.
4)clothes. - This is a good and bad. a catch 22 if you will. NONE of my clothes fit.... and thats a good thing but I hate the idea of spending money on clothes that I know wont fit me in a couple months. But I can't bitch..... this is exactly what was suppose to happen ;)

For once feel like I am finally on the right path in life. I am doing something to better me and its working and I am going to make sure that it continues to work. This is definitelly not easy that is for sure. There are definitely going to be tough... and I am going to have to continuely work on it but I know that I can succeed. I will for sure hit some walls and obsticiles but I know I can over come them.

Well the following are new measurements (inches) and pictures:

R Pinky - 2 1/4 - No change
R Ring - 2 1/2 - No change
R middle - 2 3/4 - No change
R Pointer - 2 3/4 - down 1/8
R Thumb - 2 3/4 - down 1/8
R Wrist - 7 - down 1/2
R Forearm - 11 - down 1
R Bicep - 14 - down 2
Neck - 15 - down 3/4
Chin/Crown - 25 1/2 - down 1/2
Head - 23 - No Change
Bust - 45 - down 4
Under Bust - 39 - down 3 1/2
Waist - 42 - down 4
Hip/Butt - 46 - down 4
R Thigh - 23 - down 4
R Calf - 17 - down 1
R Ankle - 10 - No Change
R Foot - 9 1/2 - No Change
Weight - 215.4 - down 63.2


Before: (take 2/9/08)

After: (taken 4/30/08)

Before: (taken 2/9/08)

After: (taken 4/30/08)

Before: (taken 2/9/08)

After: (taken 4/30/08)

So thats it for now. I will try and get better at this. I swear. Thanks for reading. Love you all!!

Opps... I did it again.

Opps. I = Suck at bloggin.

I know that I probably should have updated this a bit more in the time that I was off. But my body and mind were more tired then I thought. Well. lets get on to the update.

Well it has been almost 5 weeks since my surgery and I am feeling pretty good. The 4 weeks off from work were great! The time was necessary for me. It made me figure out a game plan for when I did go back to work. It also helped me figure out what things I should be eatting and how I should be eatting it. Besides i got some one on one bonding time with my new pup Eli!! I returned to work last week on the 10th. That went as good as expected. I got back into the swing of things pretty quickly and I got such a warm welcome back! It was great seeing everyone after so long. I really didn't realize how much I missed those people. I sometimes think my job isn't what I want (and usually that is true) but I really love everyone I work with. Since being back at work there have been a million (of the same) questions... but I am not sick of them yet. I know that at some point I will probably get really sick of it but what can you do. Everyone is just trying to be supportive! I did notice that at the end of my work days, especially in the beginning of the week, I have been super swollen and soar. On monday I had so much to do but my co-worker made me leave knowing that I was in a little bit of pain. Its also nice having that support to, everyone knows that I am going to have to take things slowly at first and knowing that they have my back no matter what is really nice.

I have had times of feeling sick but I dont think it was from anything I ate. I think that its probably my body telling me its hungry.. or something ... because it is usually right when I wake up or around the time I am suppose to eat. I haven't had any other issues that I can tell. Everything really does seem to be going to plan.

So far the toughest part for me is getting my milk in. I just didn't have the time, or I would forget, or I just wasn't feeling empty enough for it. Other then that, starting on the 7th I got cleared to take all my vitamins, calcuim and B-12 pills. Luckily for me I have a pill box otherwise I would never remember to take them. Its nice to have everything laid out for me on a daily basis, especially now since I am back at work.

The things I have found out about what I can eat.... hmm. Well I have been sicking pretty strickly to what PN has planned out for me in the book. I really dont want to push it quite yet. I think that is the best way to do things. I figured by the time May rolls around (when I can have more solid food) it will be that much more rewarding to have other things. I would say that most of what I eat is refriend beans w/sour lean, reduced fat cheese and salsa, shreaded chicked w/ lite mayo, salt, pepper and garlic powder, cottage cheese, and yogurt. I have been also trying to add a tablespoon of fruit or veggies. I haven't had any problems with either yet. I have tried corn, avocados, bananas and pears... and none have given me any issues. I have only tried a couple things mostly because it takes me forever to get through one can and usually I have to throw away a lot of things.

The hardest part still is the temptation of things. I have REALLY badly wanted toast... so bad. And tacos. I think the reason I am having these cravings is because I can't have any carbs. After talking to a friend who had surgery she suggested reduced fat cheese-itz. those have really helped when I am looking for carbs or something crunchy. But other then the cheese-itz I havent tried much else. Booze has been around but not in my mouth yet. I am seriously nervous to even try and drink. Not only because I am scared how its going to affect me drunkeness wise but also because I dont know what to drink because of what in it. Thinking about alcoholic drinks they are mostly sugar and carbination. Unless I drink things straight up... i might have some kind of problem with the drink. The sugar and carbination in pop can affect me, the sugar in the booze can affect me, its all a game. Maybe I will try wine to start with ... but I dont think that is going to be for a while.

Worries that I have been having lately haven't really been about the surgery or food its about things that are coming down the line mentally. A lot of what you hear about people who have had gastric bypass surgery are that they transfer the addictions from food to another thing. I know that it doesn't happen to all of them and I hope that since I know that now that it wont happen to me. But I worry about everything... and this is a legatimate worry. I dont want to transfer one bad habit to another. I can't let it happen. I am finally getting on track with this. I dont think I will become a smoker or alcoholic or a gambler ... but there is always that chance. Another thing that I have been worrying about is my hair falling out. Usually around 3 months post surgery, GB patients hair usually falls out due to lack of nuterition. There really isn't anything that can prevent it. The best I can do is remember to take my daily pills and eat as much protien as possible. The positive is that my hair will grow back eventually... or I will just have my super awesome stylist Jen work her magic and make my new hair into something that will work. The other thing that I have been worried about mentally is actually remembering things. I dont know why it happens to GB patients but they tend to have their memory go to the shitter after surgery. Probably has to do something with nuteriates not being absorbs as usual and the lack of carbs (brain food). I dont want to struggle with remembering things I have to do. I suppose I could manage by writting everything down or maybe doing those brain teaser games every day to make sure I keep my mind active.... but who knows if that will actually help.

Other then those things, there really hasn't been much going on. I am really feeling wonderful. I know this blog really isn't that insightful but I honestly I am feeling great!

here are updated measurements and pictures:

r pinky - 2 1/2 inches = Same
r ring - 2 1/2 inhces = down 1/4 inch
r middle - 2 3/4 inches = down 1/4 inch
r pointer - 2 7/8 inches = down 1/8 inch
r thumb - 2 7/8 inches = down 1/8 inch
r wrist - 7 1/2 inches = down 1/2 inch
r forearm - 12 inches = down 1/2 inch
r bicep - 16 inches = down 1/2
neck - 15 3/4 inches = down 3/4
chin to crown of head - 26 inches = down 1/2 inches
head - 23 inches = down 1/2 inch
bust - 49 1/2 inches = down 2 inches
under bust - 42 1/2 inches = down 1 1/2 inches
waist - 46 inches = down 2 inches
hip/butt - 50 inches = down 2 inches
r tight - 27 inches = down 1 inch
r calf - 18 inches = down 1/2 inch
r ankle - 10 inches = down 1/2 inch
r foot - 9 1/2 inches = down 1/2 inch
weight - 245.6 ibs = down 33 ibs

before:

After:

Before:

After:

Before:

After:

I am stronger then yesterday

Wow. Well. It’s done. I am no longer how I was born. I am changed. Though I KNOW I have physically altered my body, I don’t feel it (besides the pain I have been in). I still feel like the same Alicia. Though, the reason I might not be feeling it is because I am still on the clear liquid diet. However, I think on this post side of surgery it is easier, I do feel fuller and more satisfied. I am still missing the feeling of eating though.

About surgery. I was basically on the verge of tears the whole car ride. I drove there with my Aunt Theresa with my parents and Erica closely following. Aunt Theresa did her best to keep my mind off the surgery though not trying to let on that she was trying to keep my mind off of surgery. It was good though. We laughed, talked, and the funniest thing is ... I don’t really remember what we talked about. All I know is that it really helped whatever it was. I arrived at Methodist hospital at about 8:30. Nerves were high. I think mostly it was the unknown that was freaking me out. I had never had major surgery. I had never gone under. Tina met us at the hospital, it was great to have her (and everyone's) support. Tina is 4 years out from gastric bypass and has kept it all or most of her weight off since then! She truly the sole person I looked to for MANY of my answers during this process and I don’t know what I would do without her. After getting checked in I had to go to the lab to get some blood drawn. Then, I sat with my family for a while and talked. Mostly about things... again... I do not remember. Being brought up to pre-surgery area was tough. I was fighting back tears the whole time. Still thinking about it, it makes me nervous. I got changed and then my nurses came to get me ready for surgery. Though I drank a ton of water the night before surgery, they still had a hard time finding a vain for the IV. Other than that it was just a lot of questions being asked and papers to be signed. Then the family and friends came up to say goodbye. Everyone was so supportive and positive which really helped. But I was crying like a baby. Erica, Aunt Theresa and Dad were the first to come (I had so many people they had to send them up in waves). All 3 of them told me not to worry and just gave me kisses and touches that made me calm down a little bit. Dr. Svendsen (my surgeon) came in an explained what he was going to do during surgery; I understood most of it through my tears! Mom and Tina were the last people to leave the pre-op area. Mom was nervous, I could tell. She was telling the nurses everything under the sun about what problems she has with anesthesia but... hey she is my mom, that is what she is suppose to do! Tina knew everything was going to be great and having the solid rock there was what I needed. Once I said goodbye to mom and Tina, it was time to go to the surgery room. I had stopped crying by this time, so that was good. Going into the room was a bit bizarre. I am being wheeled in on a bed, and all I can see is the ceiling, and then I get wheeled into this really white and bright room and all these people with masks are introducing themselves to me and I am thinking... crap.... its bright. I couldn't think of anything else. It was kind of humorous. But then things got serious. I moved from my bed to the table where they were going to operate and the anesthesiologist came over to me to get me the anesthesia. She tells me to breath in, and I do it, she tells me to breath in again, and I do it, and then she tells me one last time, take a big breath in, and from there, I don’t remember anything. Pretty weird feeling. From there I woke up in the post op area. What I remember is pretty vague. I know I was pretty whiney. I remember not liking my post op nurse because she wasn't very nice. Also, I can remember being really uncomfortable. I believe I was in the post-op area for about an hour and a half. I still was really out of it though; I got wheeled to my room where my lovely family and friends were waiting. I remember saying some things but I don’t remember everything. I do however remember Erica talking a picture of me.... brat. (See below)

From there the next 3 nights/4 days I spent in the hospital. I was only supposed to be there for 2 nights / 3 days. I was having problems with not keeping myself hydrated and I was also having trouble with getting sick a lot. Obviously I have the same reactions to anesthesia like my mom and sister. Boo. But the people were really nice. Everyone made me feel comfortable though I wasn't most the time.

I have been out of the hospital now for 2 1/2 days. Today is the first day I am feeling good. I haven't had to take any of my liquid pain meds and I have been feeling over all like me! So that is nice. Hence, why I am writing this blog. It’s the first time I have felt up to doing anything! So that is a positive sign. I am still on my clear liquid diet, which is tough. But after my post op on 2/19 I will be able to move on to full liquids, which are things with flavor!! wo wo! :D

Thanks again to everyone for all the cards, presents, support and love. I couldn't have made it through this without everyone! I love you all!

The sexiness that is me after surgery.... thanks erica!:

I need you right now...

Tomorrows the day. Surgery day. Bizarre. Crazy. I feel like it came so quick. I dont even know what I really feel yet. I think right now I am just so full of liquids that I feel like I could explode. Everything today with the bowel prep went good and wasn't as bad as everyone makes it out to be... but then again I dont really have anything in me to have come out. Meh. Other then that, i am a little hungry, today was clear liquids only. It was tough but I have made it. I feel like i should be more nervous then I am right now. Right now I just am ready. I am ready for everything. Please keep sending all your well wishes and love and support...i will need it for tomorrow. I will post a blog as soon as I can after the surgery, i will be there until Thursday, and depending on how I feel, it might take me a couple more days to get online. THANK YOU TO EVERYONE. i love you very much.

36-24-36

Measurements pre-surgery:

right pinky finger: 2 1/2 inches

right ring finger: 2 3/4 inches

right middle finger: 3 inches

right pointer finger: 3 inches

right thumb: 3 inches

right wrist: 8 inches

right forearm: 12 1/2 inches

right bicep: 19 1/2 inches

neck: 16 1/2 inches

chin to crown of head: 26 1/2 inches

head circumference: 23 1/2 inches

bust: 51 1/2 inches

under bust: 44 inches

waist: 48 inches

hips/butt: 52 inches

right thigh: 28inches

right calf: 18 1/2 inches

right ankle: 10 1/2 inches

right foot: 10 inches

weight: 278.6

Pre Surgery Pictures:

Front:

Side:

back:

theres a picture tearin in the back of my head, i see it over and over

Here is one per-surgery picture. This was taken 1/31/08. The reason my sister is in the picture is because she is pregnant with her first child. So we thought it would be fun to show her growing and me shrinking... :D



There will be more to come. I plan to do a series in Polaroids so that I can track my transformation through those. and then there will be the digital pictures with my sister.

Currently I am feeling pretty good about everything. I have been having dreams though. Weird dreams. I have had dreams that I am eating when I am not suppose to. I have had dreams where being away from work has created hell for everyone. I have had dreams about not doing the surgery. None of the dreams have been good dreams.. usually I wake up freaking out that they actually happened. Like last night I had a dream that me and Lauren (hi lauren!) went to T.G.I.Fridays and our waitress sucked... and we ordered drinks and food and it took 2 hours to get and I freaked out on the staff there and we walked out without eating or drinking anything. But then I got home with her and remembered that I wasn't suppose to be eating and was glad that our food didn't come. I just remember being REALLY mad at T.G.I.Fridays for not bring us our food. I think I am expressing in my dreams my attachment to food. My sister said it best... people who smoke dont need smoking to live... you need food to live. And its true. Its hard to be addicted to something that I need for survival. ya know? My attachment to food is crazy. I realize this a lot when I am talking to my parents at night about how I just want to eat. I never say, dang I REALLY want an banana or some carrots. I always say, I want some Leann Chin, or I want so Grandpa Tony's. It never healthy food. Thats scary. I know that after surgery I will still be able to have these things but I am going to have to be really careful because there is no way I am going through all of this and not losing weight. This is it for me. I am done after this. My life from this moment on will never be dependent on food. Food will be there merely to survive and thats it. I am READY for this change.