Here I go, here I go...

Well. All is said and done with the pre-surgery items. I have gone threw all the tests, all the blood drawings, all the advice, and my exams.... up next is surgery. As my last "normal" day it was a bit strange. Strange to think that I am going to be on liquids for the next 21 days and survive. Its bizzare. I kind of lived it up today... eating pretty much everything and drinking. :D The following is my final day from start to finish:

1)Wake up late.
2)Get a large white chocolate mocha from caribou.
3)I ate a pop tart
4)Worked in clinic
5)went to California Pizza Kitchen for lunch. I ate some avacado egg rolls, hawaiian pizza, and drank some lemonade.
6)went to my pre-op exam
7)came home and took a nap
8)woke up and got ready for a night out on the town
9)Picked up laura and headed to T.G.I.Fridays. We had Nacho's and I ate a Jack Daniels Pulled Pork Sandwhich with French Fries. And a Rasp/Cherry Margarita.
10)Drove to bootleggers. Drank..... A)Pineapple upside down cake shot. B) Vodka Collins. C) Applesauce shot
11) came home and typed this blog

all and all it was a good night. And I really feel like this isn't going to be my last time doing these things but it will be a while until i do them. Its so worth it. I think it was fitting that I went to bootleggers as my last night out for a while... its the bar of all bars .... its where we go and what we do.. it felt right. I had a damn good time.

Tonight I told Laura that I feel like losing this weight is going to be hard to adjust to. Part of me is excited for people not being able to recognize me and part of me is bothered by it. I think my issue is... i am so sick of always being the fat girl. The girl who is there but isn't there all at the same time. I will no longer be able to hide behind my size... i will have to face everything. I will have to face people. and that makes me nervous. For whatever reason it freaks me out that people will actually pay attention to me... its has been so easy to just cop out and say... whatever, i am the fat girl... then have to deal with people. Also, nothing is ever expected when you hide behind something like weight. Its going to be a HUGE adjustment. I worry a lot. this is going to make to have to stop doing that.... man. This is going to be the hardest but best thing that has ever happened to me. There are so many things going through my head but no way to type them all out.

Right now what has been tough is listing to what people think. I haven't told barely anyone. I didn't want to tell anyone because it was my decision but now that it has come to the 11th hour... its time to let people know and it has been interesting to see what people think. People at work have been nothing but supportive (most of them anyway). I work with a great group of people. They have really made me feel comfortable and okay with my decision to do this surgery and take the time off for this surgery. Most of my family and friends have supported me. The debate came up tonight about 1)What if I fail at this and 2)Do I actually KNOW what i am doing. Its hard to be 100% positive on everything. NO i have never done this before but YES i know the risks and the problems that can come from this. What i have been telling peopel is that I REFUSE to fail... and I am going to do EVERYTHING possible to make sure I succeed. And YES I do know what i am doing to my body. I am doing something that I can never change back. EVER. whats i do this I will never have a normal stomach again. Its a big decision and I will have deal with what ever happens as it comes.. there is nothing I can change once i have the surgery and i WILL be doing this... not matter what.

Next up is the infamous liquid diet. Starting tomorrow I will be drink nothing but water, sugar-free drinks, high protein drinks like SlimFast and Ensure and Carnation instant breakfast with skim milk. Crazy. I am going to lose soo much weight in these next couple days it will be crazy.